In Case You May Have Forgotten.....

    Ok. Don't panic. Don't. Panic! Seriously, Laurie. You cannot run screaming out of a restaurant right after the server drops off your food......... even if your food might beat you to the door.

    You know that nightmare you have where you suddenly look down and realize you're walking through town completely naked? Or the one where you're falling from somewhere fantastically high up and just as you're about to smash head-first into the ground you jolt awake? And how about the one where you walk into a Korean restaurant and because you don't speak the language, you unknowingly order something that may or may not actually be edible? Ok. Well, remember the day when one of those nightmares came true??? I do....

    Today was a really awesome day! I got to hang out with my new and amazingly fun friend, Rachel, and we spent the day bummin' around Yatap where she lives. Last night we met up with some other foreigner friends at western bar near Yatap for drinks and conversation, and since Yatap is about a 40-60 minute bus ride from Suwon, Rachel offered to let me crash at her place for the night in order to avoid making the two hour round trip. I, of course, was thrilled for the opportunity and accepted right away because secretly, at age 26, I'm still a real sucker for sleep-overs.
    This morning when we woke up, we decided to take it easy and just kind of have a chill, relaxing day. Our first order of business, of course, was breakfast, so we strolled down to the Starbucks around the corner and thoroughly enjoyed some girly chit-chat over coffee and bagels. We sat in big comfy chairs by a large, picture window and talked about home and how we are enjoying our time in Korea. It was so relaxing just to sit and chat and people-watch on this cool, cloudy fall morning.
   After we finished breakfast, we headed over to the nearby Home Plus so that I could get some shoes, because, brilliant and abundantly skilled in forethought as I am, the only footwear I'd brought with me were heels, and I definitely was not quite ready to rock the "yoga pants, hoodie, and point-toe pumps" look. So we wandered in that direction still caught up in conversation and enjoying each other's company.
    Once I had settled on a suitable pair of sneaks, we headed back out into the mall slash subway station and discovered that "Eat, Pray, Love" was currently playing at the theater there, so we decided that that was our game plan. We bought tickets and headed inside the theater just as the movie was starting, and were super excited to be seeing our first American movie (and a really good one at that!) in Korea.
    Hearing "Kamsamnida" as we walked past the cleaning crew on our way out of the theater was a quick, yet subtle, snap back into reality for me after having spent the morning floating around in a bubble filled with a delicate Texas accent, soft American coffee-shop music, Wal Mart-esque shopping, and Hollywood cinematography. It's amazing how easy it is get caught up in enjoying a day that is so reminiscent of home, and completely forget that you are, in fact, an expat living in the heart of the ROK. It's incredibly comforting, actually! But as it turns out, "Kamsamnida" would not be my only Korean reality check of the day. The one I would get next, however, would not be nearly as subtle.
    After the movie, it was time to eat again because I always want to eat. While trying to decide where to go, Rachel and I discussed how on the average day, we both tend to shy away from sit-down restaurants because the idea of eating alone becomes increasingly daunting when you don't speak the language to boot. But since we had each other's company today, we decided to take the opportunity to try out some nearby sit-down dining. Rachel suggested we try a place that is right outside her apartment because the pictures on the outside of the building displayed what we thought looked like really delicious kimchi pancakes. So, in a very American-minded, confident fashion, we waltzed right into the restaurant and chose a table. Almost immediately we were greeted by a sweet Korean woman who thrust a small paper menu, similar to what you might see at a sushi restaurant, at us and awaited our order.
    Hmmm..... no pictures on the menu. What now??? Oh well, I guess just pick something and run with it. I mean, how wrong could it go, right?
    Wrong. The next thing we saw was a huge plate full of whole, raw octopi covered in red sauce hovering in front of us. Our server dumped them onto the burner at our table and walked off. Immediately I was overcome by panic.
    Wait. This is what we ordered??
    "Rachel!!! This is what we ordered??" 
    This is what we ordered! What?! How could that have happened?? Nonononono. I can't do this. No! This is..... I can't do this! I don't eat seafood! Ok. But it's fine. I'll just eat the kimchi and the bean sprouts. Getting full at lunch is overrated anyway....
   I momentarily began to calm myself, and then........... it happened. It moved. The octopi began to move. That's right, these suckers were alive and as soon as the hot plate began to heat up, hundreds of slimy tentacles began to squirm and writhe. It was like Ursula's demise at the end of "The Little Mermaid" as she sinks down into the ocean, glowing and sizzling with bolts of lightning.

Lunch.

    As a look of terror crept over my face, I slowly began to scoot back away from the table. Fight or flight was in full swing and flight was quickly proving to be the heavy hitter.
    Ok. Don't panic. Don't. Panic! Seriously, Laurie. You cannot run screaming out of a restaurant right after the server drops off your food......... even if your food might beat you to the door.
    I looked across at Rachel and I could see the revulsion on her face. Suddenly I burst out into laughter. How could this be happening to us? In a matter of seconds, our harmless lunch table had transformed into National Geographic! It was like we were watching a scene from a horror movie and we were staring down on a steaming plate of murder! I had to laugh to keep from crying. This was hands down the most terrible and unexpected ordering mishap that I could think of. No wonder I never eat out alone! This was definitely not what I would call esculent, let alone lunch!
    Once our hysterical bout of laughter subsided, Rachel bravely took the lead and turned up the heat on the hot plate.
    "As long as it's cooked, I can handle eating a little bit of octopus," she said. "But it better damn near be burnt!"
    At last the squirming ceased and I watched in awe as she bravely took one for the team and muscled down tentacle after sucker-covered tentacle so that we could eventually leave having at least made a small dent in the food. Never in my life has kimchi ever looked so good! That and the scrambled egg side dish were about the only 2 things I ended up eating for lunch today.
    Finally we felt we'd made enough of a dent to be able to leave without appearing disrespectful, so we high-tailed it out of there and over to a nearby coffee shop. We redeemed our lunch disaster with a mocha and some Tim Tam cookies, whose amazingness I will describe at another time. Over coffee and dark chocolate, we reclaimed our wits and finally decided to call it a day.

    So thank you, Korea, for that vivid and graphic reminder of where I am living. I promise to never again forget where I am, even for a moment. You have made your point and I hear you, loud and clear! Soondae anyone????

Jjuggumi
(Also known as, the last time you will ever want seafood....)